Things happen for a reason. It's a simple enough quote, one I hear all the time. However, I don't know about you, but accepting the sense and truth of this quote while in the midst of something that happened that I Do Not Like... separation, break-ups, weight/energy/health flux's, losing work, financial dry spells, not being hired... is harder to do. And so in the midst, I read, I journal, I listen, I meditate, I seek, I remember: "This too shall pass," and, truth-be-told, I usually get depressed. But according to the quote, even depression happens for a reason, and so I allow it.
Even in the midst of my freak out, or anger, or depression, I truly do believe the quote. And in the last "crazy" instance of my life... which was all laid out for you if you read "Hiatus" (and which I just took down). I believe the situation happened so that I could get back in touch with Who I Am.
And Who I Am is a healer. Who I Am is a loving, caring person who wants myself, and others, to be happy and to flourish. And Who I Am is someone who believes in energy and healing modalities. And so I've been learning, and remembering, and re-experiencing the joy in life, and life's amazing possibilities.
As you may know, I believe in and practice feng shui;
I also believe in and have practiced dowsing (although my dowsing rods had stopped answering me for about a year, which made me totally doubt myself, and my abilities to BE a healer);
I also believe in and have somewhat of a qi gong practice (although, for some reason, I'm only inspired to practice while out in nature, and so I practice a lot when I'm visiting Iowa, but rarely practice in NYC);
And now, I totally and completely believe (again) in energy, and the healing powers of energy. I have been asking for answers, and answers I've received. Answers come to me in conversations, in books, in movies, in videos, and mostly, in courses.
The common thread to all answers I've received lately is that in order to live the life we want to live, our vibrations need to match our goals. This was first learned in Christie Marie Sheldon's course, "Love or Above," and now I hear it EVERYWHERE. It's in the new, totally amazing course I'm studying from Dr. Bradley Nelson, "The Emotion Code." It's talked about in almost everything related to energy and healing I've been drawn to. If a practitioner talks about raising your vibration, I perk up. It's like buying a red sports car and seeing the same car everywhere. Learning about vibrations sunk in, and now I'm hearing about it everywhere.
All my questions the past years are now making sense. I wondered why, if I believed in and was implementing feng shui and dowsing, my life still spiraling downward (in my opinion). I now realize it's because my vibrations were sooooooooo low. I was stuck in a pattern of beating myself up for a decision I had made, and sugar coating this with positive affirmations.
I've now been addressing these emotions, and releasing them.
My dowsing rods work again.
I'm learning amazing, truly amazing things that are completely expanding my mind.
The best, I truly believe, is yet to come.
And I would've NEVER gotten here if I had stayed stuck in my last job, where the vibration was one of fear and control, and where I was allowing myself to be discouraged out of being Who I Am.
So, yea! I believe I had to get so out of balance for me to get back to what I know, and get back into it full-force; to stand for what I know to be true for me, to Stand for Me.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Just Received
Okay, so I've been telling friends, and myself, and the Universe, that I want justice, and I want an apology.
And then I get this in my inbox from Neale Donald Walsch:
On this day of your life, Susan, I believe God wants you to know...
....that love is stronger than justice.
Sting said that, and it is perfectly true. So if you feel that you have been "unjusted" and are looking for 'justice', you may be looking for the wrong thing. What would happen if you sought love instead? And what would happen if you gave love instead of seeking it?
This might require a bit of forgiveness. Yet if you start with yourself, if you begin by forgiving yourself for all the things you may have done that were not okay with another, you will find it much easier for forgive another for what was done that is not okay with you.
It's just a thought...
... I agree with Neale… logically. But then there is the "but" that arises, because of all the times I've lived in guilt, shame and regret (not a healthy or productive place to live, and not something I recommend) because I have not been able to forgive myself for "things I have done." Actually, I think forgiving myself seems harder than forgiving others.
That being said, I'm not doing such a great job of forgiving G, one month later. I ask for the anger and hate to be released, and it streams right back in. I ask for the strength to forgive, but the anger, and want for justice – or revenge – streams right back in. (I know anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other to die. I know it's not healthy — unless used to the right degree to inspire change —and then released.) I shrug. Maybe it'll just take time. Maybe I have a block on forgiveness.
That being said, I'm not doing such a great job of forgiving G, one month later. I ask for the anger and hate to be released, and it streams right back in. I ask for the strength to forgive, but the anger, and want for justice – or revenge – streams right back in. (I know anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other to die. I know it's not healthy — unless used to the right degree to inspire change —and then released.) I shrug. Maybe it'll just take time. Maybe I have a block on forgiveness.
And yet this stream of thought gives me pause because I stayed with G for so long because I found ways to forgive him; because I found ways to continue loving him. But I don't think it's about me forgiving and loving G in spite of all, I think it's about forgiving and loving me in spite of all. But what do I have to forgive and love myself about? For staying in a situation that had red flags written all over it? For betraying myself by allowing another to treat me the way he did? Okay, but I've already forgiven myself for these things* — so why does the anger remain? Why do I want justice so badly? *Hindsight: No, I really haven’t completely forgiven myself, and that's probably why the anger and frustration remains. I look back on certain situations and wonder HOW I managed to stay and remain blind to his true character. Yes, I had a back-bone at the end; now it's time to have one right off the bat! And so I'll keep releasing emotions, and I'll be much better prepared if I ever encounter similar people or situations.
Upon a bit more reflection, I admit I have hope, as there are moments of peaceful clarity, where I simply no longer care because it bares no importance on anything in my life. I want these moments to last longer!
And to go along with that, I just watched this fantastic TED talk:
Upon a bit more reflection, I admit I have hope, as there are moments of peaceful clarity, where I simply no longer care because it bares no importance on anything in my life. I want these moments to last longer!
And to go along with that, I just watched this fantastic TED talk:
http://www.loveorabove.com/blog/creativity-raising-your-vibrations/
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hiatus
Hello again. It's been ages since my two intro posts. I've been busy working, and didn't take the time to blog.
And I just deleted an entire post which I used as a platform to vent, since this blog is not yet followed anyway :). It felt really good to journal the experience, but I now feel it's time to remove the post.
As a synopsis:
I had been hired in April as an interior designer and in-house graphic designer, for what I thought was my dream job/career.
I was told I was an independent contractor (for the interior design part), and an equal/a business partner (until I pissed off the boss, which was extremely easy to do, and then I was a no-body, a nothing, an ungrateful xyz, a spoiled brat, and my favorite demeaning insult: I was "just an employee."
I was told soooooo many promises, and nothing was put in writing.
I had no reason to believe the promises, but we humans can be quite blind and deaf when we choose to be.
Oh, yeah, I dated my boss.
It was a tumultuous relationship from the first week, and it progressively worsened.
The personal and professional relationships were anything but healthy and supportive for me.
For some reason (um, that would be fear), I wanted to keep the job… no matter what.
It ended extremely badly. Extremely. The guy is not human… nor humane.
I'm starting over again.
And while financially, in the short term, that's not such a good thing, starting over again (and being away from him) is a great thing in the big picture.
And I'll learn lessons from this experience.
So, there, you get the gist but were saved a soap opera. And some of my later posts will still make some sense.
And I just deleted an entire post which I used as a platform to vent, since this blog is not yet followed anyway :). It felt really good to journal the experience, but I now feel it's time to remove the post.
As a synopsis:
I had been hired in April as an interior designer and in-house graphic designer, for what I thought was my dream job/career.
I was told I was an independent contractor (for the interior design part), and an equal/a business partner (until I pissed off the boss, which was extremely easy to do, and then I was a no-body, a nothing, an ungrateful xyz, a spoiled brat, and my favorite demeaning insult: I was "just an employee."
I was told soooooo many promises, and nothing was put in writing.
I had no reason to believe the promises, but we humans can be quite blind and deaf when we choose to be.
Oh, yeah, I dated my boss.
It was a tumultuous relationship from the first week, and it progressively worsened.
The personal and professional relationships were anything but healthy and supportive for me.
For some reason (um, that would be fear), I wanted to keep the job… no matter what.
It ended extremely badly. Extremely. The guy is not human… nor humane.
I'm starting over again.
And while financially, in the short term, that's not such a good thing, starting over again (and being away from him) is a great thing in the big picture.
And I'll learn lessons from this experience.
So, there, you get the gist but were saved a soap opera. And some of my later posts will still make some sense.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Giving a Fresh Start
I truly enjoy creating homes through layout and redesign—room-by-room and detail-by-detail—that my clients love. Two niche markets in which I would enjoy working in more are nurseries, and bedrooms for children and teens. Our babies and kids deserve as fresh a start, and as much support, as they can get. They also enjoy having a space they can claim as their own. The way I can contribute to their feeling of support and well-being is by creating beautiful, fun, healthy and peaceful rooms through design, layout and customized feng shui solutions, with the intention of attracting the best energy for each child's health, relationships, growth, wisdom and overall success.
Babies and kids are amazing—they're naturally curious, optimistic, relatively fearless, inquisitive and creative. Many are also intuitive and energetically sensitive. And, for better or for worse, they are learning sponges (as any parent can tell you, and give you many hilarious stories to back this up). Unfortunately, many of these traits are beaten out of them to fit into society, and the commands continue into adult life—stop daydreaming, get your head out of the clouds and your feet on the ground, be realistic, don't interrupt, follow the rules, don't ask so many questions, mind your own business, don't do that or you'll hurt yourself, I can't believe you think you can do that, how can you possibly believe that, don't be so stupid, etc, etc.
Also, fellow kids are cruel. We all have hurtful playground stories to tell—either those that happened to ourselves, or those we've witnessed.
And, kids today are up against an onslaught of environmental factors—from pollutants in our regions to pollutants in our homes and chemicals in our foods.
All this being said, I feel our babies and children deserve the best fresh start in life they can get, and I can help with their environment. Proposing room layout based on sensible design combined with their personal feng shui, they can sleep, play and study in directions that support their overall well-being—from relationships with family and friends, to their health, growth, wisdom and overall success in life. Plus, I can suggest color therapy for low-VOC wall paints, bedding, flooring, window treatments and other accessories which will look fantastic and enhance the energetic quality within their room. It's my way of giving back to a new generation of amazing, hopeful and inspiring individuals.
Babies and kids are amazing—they're naturally curious, optimistic, relatively fearless, inquisitive and creative. Many are also intuitive and energetically sensitive. And, for better or for worse, they are learning sponges (as any parent can tell you, and give you many hilarious stories to back this up). Unfortunately, many of these traits are beaten out of them to fit into society, and the commands continue into adult life—stop daydreaming, get your head out of the clouds and your feet on the ground, be realistic, don't interrupt, follow the rules, don't ask so many questions, mind your own business, don't do that or you'll hurt yourself, I can't believe you think you can do that, how can you possibly believe that, don't be so stupid, etc, etc.
Also, fellow kids are cruel. We all have hurtful playground stories to tell—either those that happened to ourselves, or those we've witnessed.
And, kids today are up against an onslaught of environmental factors—from pollutants in our regions to pollutants in our homes and chemicals in our foods.
All this being said, I feel our babies and children deserve the best fresh start in life they can get, and I can help with their environment. Proposing room layout based on sensible design combined with their personal feng shui, they can sleep, play and study in directions that support their overall well-being—from relationships with family and friends, to their health, growth, wisdom and overall success in life. Plus, I can suggest color therapy for low-VOC wall paints, bedding, flooring, window treatments and other accessories which will look fantastic and enhance the energetic quality within their room. It's my way of giving back to a new generation of amazing, hopeful and inspiring individuals.
Getting Started
This blog is a long time coming.
Knowing what I've wanted to do professionally and creatively has been a long time coming.
I've been fascinated with interiors, layout and details since I can remember. Inspired by my sister and my mom's interior design magazines, I would spend hours drafting imaginary floor plans. Perhaps I should've realized I'd be better suited studying interior design instead of graphic design when, on an tour of a design studio during university, what grabbed my attention was the space (a renovated church with soaring rafters) and the conference table (a salvaged boat topped with glass); I remember nothing of the portfolio or projects. However, already a fifth-year student, I had no desire to start all over again.
Who knows where I'd be now if I'd chosen to switch majors. What I do know is that my graphic design career led me from a Kansas City design boutique, where I had a great mentor, to several places in New York City. At my last position, I was eventually, and occasionally, assigned to conceptualize interior spaces specing eco-conscious products. Throughout those years, I read magazines such as Natural Home and Garden and dreamed of a way to work in interiors, where I'd have more say in the final design decisions.
In the interim, while contemplating returning to school, I attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York City and became a certified health coach. The course covered many areas I was interested in—including personal and planet health, body image, local and organic foods, and animal rights—and I began conceptualizing how I could tie in this new knowledge with my love of interiors.
Also, immediately upon graduating from IIN, I began working for a holistically-minded interior studio. I'd summoned the guts to call a couple years earlier, and I was finally hired! I worked on two projects and loved the clients and seeing the results, but my boss and I realized we were both looking for, and expecting, different things from each other. It's unfortunate that after two years of discussion we had such rapid communication breakdown; giving up on the dream hurt tremendously.
I decided to dive into building my health coaching practice, and also began studying feng shui while taking on a few other endeavors, including studying forex (I know, this throws everyone—it's the yang to all the other yin in my life, as one friend put it). I quickly pulled myself in too many directions (which I've heard is extremely common for new entrepreneurs), and my life spiraled out in a direction I never would've envisioned, nor wanted. Last year I pulled back and assessed what I really wanted to accomplish. I let go of health coaching to focus on feng shui, forex, and personal healing. I eventually helped friends and family organize homes and an office, and gained confidence and perspective that I could tie all my interests together while working with clients in a manner personally suited to my strengths. Here I am, starting fresh once again, with the intention of helping others create healthy homes that feel, well, like home.
Welcome to my blog, and thank you for reading. I look forward to getting to know you.
Knowing what I've wanted to do professionally and creatively has been a long time coming.
I've been fascinated with interiors, layout and details since I can remember. Inspired by my sister and my mom's interior design magazines, I would spend hours drafting imaginary floor plans. Perhaps I should've realized I'd be better suited studying interior design instead of graphic design when, on an tour of a design studio during university, what grabbed my attention was the space (a renovated church with soaring rafters) and the conference table (a salvaged boat topped with glass); I remember nothing of the portfolio or projects. However, already a fifth-year student, I had no desire to start all over again.
Who knows where I'd be now if I'd chosen to switch majors. What I do know is that my graphic design career led me from a Kansas City design boutique, where I had a great mentor, to several places in New York City. At my last position, I was eventually, and occasionally, assigned to conceptualize interior spaces specing eco-conscious products. Throughout those years, I read magazines such as Natural Home and Garden and dreamed of a way to work in interiors, where I'd have more say in the final design decisions.
In the interim, while contemplating returning to school, I attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York City and became a certified health coach. The course covered many areas I was interested in—including personal and planet health, body image, local and organic foods, and animal rights—and I began conceptualizing how I could tie in this new knowledge with my love of interiors.
Also, immediately upon graduating from IIN, I began working for a holistically-minded interior studio. I'd summoned the guts to call a couple years earlier, and I was finally hired! I worked on two projects and loved the clients and seeing the results, but my boss and I realized we were both looking for, and expecting, different things from each other. It's unfortunate that after two years of discussion we had such rapid communication breakdown; giving up on the dream hurt tremendously.
I decided to dive into building my health coaching practice, and also began studying feng shui while taking on a few other endeavors, including studying forex (I know, this throws everyone—it's the yang to all the other yin in my life, as one friend put it). I quickly pulled myself in too many directions (which I've heard is extremely common for new entrepreneurs), and my life spiraled out in a direction I never would've envisioned, nor wanted. Last year I pulled back and assessed what I really wanted to accomplish. I let go of health coaching to focus on feng shui, forex, and personal healing. I eventually helped friends and family organize homes and an office, and gained confidence and perspective that I could tie all my interests together while working with clients in a manner personally suited to my strengths. Here I am, starting fresh once again, with the intention of helping others create healthy homes that feel, well, like home.
Welcome to my blog, and thank you for reading. I look forward to getting to know you.
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