Okay, so I've been telling friends, and myself, and the Universe, that I want justice, and I want an apology.
And then I get this in my inbox from Neale Donald Walsch:
On this day of your life, Susan, I believe God wants you to know...
....that love is stronger than justice.
Sting said that, and it is perfectly true. So if you feel that you have been "unjusted" and are looking for 'justice', you may be looking for the wrong thing. What would happen if you sought love instead? And what would happen if you gave love instead of seeking it?
This might require a bit of forgiveness. Yet if you start with yourself, if you begin by forgiving yourself for all the things you may have done that were not okay with another, you will find it much easier for forgive another for what was done that is not okay with you.
It's just a thought...
... I agree with Neale… logically. But then there is the "but" that arises, because of all the times I've lived in guilt, shame and regret (not a healthy or productive place to live, and not something I recommend) because I have not been able to forgive myself for "things I have done." Actually, I think forgiving myself seems harder than forgiving others.
That being said, I'm not doing such a great job of forgiving G, one month later. I ask for the anger and hate to be released, and it streams right back in. I ask for the strength to forgive, but the anger, and want for justice – or revenge – streams right back in. (I know anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other to die. I know it's not healthy — unless used to the right degree to inspire change —and then released.) I shrug. Maybe it'll just take time. Maybe I have a block on forgiveness.
That being said, I'm not doing such a great job of forgiving G, one month later. I ask for the anger and hate to be released, and it streams right back in. I ask for the strength to forgive, but the anger, and want for justice – or revenge – streams right back in. (I know anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other to die. I know it's not healthy — unless used to the right degree to inspire change —and then released.) I shrug. Maybe it'll just take time. Maybe I have a block on forgiveness.
And yet this stream of thought gives me pause because I stayed with G for so long because I found ways to forgive him; because I found ways to continue loving him. But I don't think it's about me forgiving and loving G in spite of all, I think it's about forgiving and loving me in spite of all. But what do I have to forgive and love myself about? For staying in a situation that had red flags written all over it? For betraying myself by allowing another to treat me the way he did? Okay, but I've already forgiven myself for these things* — so why does the anger remain? Why do I want justice so badly? *Hindsight: No, I really haven’t completely forgiven myself, and that's probably why the anger and frustration remains. I look back on certain situations and wonder HOW I managed to stay and remain blind to his true character. Yes, I had a back-bone at the end; now it's time to have one right off the bat! And so I'll keep releasing emotions, and I'll be much better prepared if I ever encounter similar people or situations.
Upon a bit more reflection, I admit I have hope, as there are moments of peaceful clarity, where I simply no longer care because it bares no importance on anything in my life. I want these moments to last longer!
And to go along with that, I just watched this fantastic TED talk:
Upon a bit more reflection, I admit I have hope, as there are moments of peaceful clarity, where I simply no longer care because it bares no importance on anything in my life. I want these moments to last longer!
And to go along with that, I just watched this fantastic TED talk:
http://www.loveorabove.com/blog/creativity-raising-your-vibrations/
